Self

I've been feeling a bit diconnected and selfish this weekend.

Disconnect:
Yesterday, we had a dinner picnic at Bruce and PJs and although I knew everyone I felt as if no one knew me. I sat alone on the stairs, watching people, then later sat on one of the blankets and zoned out at the calm sky. I think I get uncomfortable around families, because I don't have one.

Selfish:
I want what others have. A home, a husband, a family. Even though I know I'm not ready for all of that and I would give up so much for myself, I want it. I want to live in big house, I want to buy things I don't need, I want someone to come home to. I want, I want, I want. I sound like a little spoiled brat.

I don't know what to feel right now. I think I'm on my art low. I need to paint again.